Another sarcasm diary post.
When I say the statement ‘I am not beautiful.‘ It has never been met without some kind of indignation. It is not an attention seeking thing. It’s realistic. I just don’t need to believe I’m beautiful to feel good about my appearance.
I also don’t think I’m ugly either. Truth be told I’ve rather grown to like my appearance as my mid twenties have crept up on me. However, I know what is considered stereotypical beauty right now and I am not it.
Why is it such a big deal? Why do I need to think I am beautiful?
Why does that make me better?
Why would all my problems be mystically solved if I learned to love ‘my kind of beauty’? We aren’t telling guys that they need to believe they are beautiful (although maybe we should, just a little ❤️).
Why is ‘learning to love the body your in‘ synonymous with success as girl? Can I not accept my flaws, be absolutely okay with them but still feel that isn’t necessary to shout that I am beautiful in spite of them? Or because of them?
It’s okay not to think you are beautiful. It doesn’t not necessarily mean there is something amiss with your self esteem. We are obsessed with beauty nowadays, thinking it must be found in everything in order for it to be worthwhile.
My face, my body etc- it is what it is. I don’t need to think I’m beautiful to love or hate different parts of myself.
Oh and please don’t get me started on ‘inner beauty’ and how that makes up for any actual beauty. Don’t tell me that I shouldn’t care about that because there are other kinds of beauty or different ways to be considered beautiful. I think that If your confidence lives and dies on your perception of your personality and others reactions to it, that is a pit you are playing dangerously close to falling down in. You can be enlightened as you want and say appearances are not important, or that they shouldn’t be but that is hard principle to live up to. You can love all the various aspects of your inner and outer beauty without believing that you uphold the ideal of being beautiful.
And if having no beauty can be made up for by a beautiful personality, doesn’t that imply it’s okay to be externally beautiful and not worry about your personality or your actions towards others as a result? Because that feels like a f**ked up message to me.
I should clarify that I do not judge anyone who believes in the ideal of believing you are beautiful no matter what, or that loving your kind of beautiful in the face of it not fitting in a certain box isn’t a wonderful thing. If it makes you happy, then I don’t give a damn! If it gives you confidence then ignore me entirely. I have just found that this way if thinking, even if it is very self deprecating, has given me more confidence than any ‘love the body your in’ campaign has ever done.
I am not beautiful and I’m 100% okay with that.