Go find less – Elyse Myers – Antonia Bernardin

So, sometimes with this blog I just like to post about things that have interested me lately, or made me experience *feelings*.

When I first watched this Tiktok by Elyse Myers, let me tell you, there were LOTS of feelings. Like, I straight sobbed.

So, I wanted to share it for those of you not on Tiktok/ I think it’s the kind of thing worth transcribing. I’m not getting into why the video spoke to me for strangers on the internet but I felt this one in my fucking soul.

For those of you not on Tiktok Elyse Myers is a wonderful human being, who makes funny content, heartwarming content, tells stories from her life and sings songs, among a few other things.

Since Elyse has removed all her videos while she takes a break from social media (I won’t get into why, I’m leaving this post up because the words were so impactful to me but I won’t add to the discussion as I’m respecting the step she’s taken for privacy at this time), I’ve changed the linked video to one of mine where I used the sound from the original, it’s only a section of the audio sadly but I think it shows the emotion behind it regardless.

Here is what she said in the original video:

“I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to recalibrate my voice, body, style, sense of humour, so I’m more digestible for the people around me.

I’ve found it to be much easier and faster for me to change, then to wait until I found people that could love me just as I was.

So, on my way to becoming softer, smaller, quieter and more pleasant, I also washed away everything that made me, me.

I realised I wasn’t actually loved any more than I was before because nobody knew me.

I barely knew me anymore.

When someone would compliment me, it felt like they were saying ‘I am so glad you aren’t the way you used to be’

I would think, I used to have an opinion

I used to care about things, that were outside of my body and extended further than my mirror.

I used be present in a conversation, without worrying if I am giving way too much, or not nearly enough.

I used to reply to messages, because I didn’t have to wonder if I was sending too many of them.

I used to be loud in public places because I wasn’t afraid to take up the space, with my body, and my voice and, my presence.

And I’m done.

I’m done watering myself down. So that you feel more comfortable around me.

It’s not my life’s mission and my life’s purpose to be easily loved and I’m gunna stop acting as if it is.

I don’t want love that isn’t meant for me.

So if I’m too much for you,

Go find less.”

You can even get ‘go find less’ merch but sadly, it’s outside of the budget for now!

So, on the extremely small chance she ever reads this (because I am far too chicken to even tag her on social media!), thank you, Elyse.

As someone who has been described as ‘intense’, ‘very much themselves’ and as having a ‘force full personality’, among other comments. This is my journey through senior school (high school) to adulthood put into words, until, I too, decided I was done.

I really like me.

So, if I am too much for you,

Go. Find. Less.

Back to your regularly scheduled bookish nonsense…

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