Antonia Bernardin

Small Talk: 10 ADHD lies and how to stop believing them by Richard Pink and Roxanne Pink was my 32nd read of the year.

I have read their other book Dirty Laundry: why adults with ADHD are so ashamed and what we can do to help

Disclaimer before we get into this: I am not diagnosed with ADHD, I might have some *suspicions* but I think it’s only fair that you know this before getting into the review.

A brief summary

Pretty much as the title says, this books follows 10 lies people with ADHD tell themselves. It was inspired by a Tiktok where Roxie asked her community of followers ‘what are some of the things you believe about yourself’ (I’m paraphrasing) and the answers not only contained some common themes but also some pretty heartbreaking core beliefs. So this book addresses some these themes, talking through how you as the ADHDer can question this narrative about yourself, and then how your partner/ friends/ family can help their ADHD loved one dismantle those beliefs/ support them. It contains anecdotes from both Rox and Rich relating to each lie. It looks at it from a compassionate yet realistic perspective, admitting that some of these things are a result of the daily reality to someone with ADHD and can’t really be fixed but they can be managed with support. It is also realistic about how your support person/ those close to you might feel about some of the things you do as a result of ADHD, acknowledging how frustrating they can be and how it work with the ADHDer in your life that protects your peace as well as theirs.

What did I think?

Now, I’ve worked pretty hard to learn to be kinder to myself and find ways to do stuff that works for me, so I was somewhat surprised at how heart-wrenching I found some of this. I thought I had done a good job of changing my own internal narrative but listening to this made me think differently.

I think this book does a really good job of breaking down some of the core beliefs people with ADHD might have and how they relate to symptoms of unmanaged/ undiagnosed ADHD in particular. It doesn’t shy away from the very real word consequences of these beliefs and the consequences of the symptoms they are related too. It’s different to the first book which just walked you through the symptoms of ADHD, this walks through how these might have affected you over the course of your life.

I was honestly surprised at how often I found myself nodding and agreeing with some of the lies they start each chapter with, which did spin me out because I really thought I’d worked on my negative inner critic… so this was genuinely a helpful listen. I think at the start of me figuring things out about myself, it would have been even more helpful.

Like I said at the start, I’m not diagnosed and I haven’t taken any steps to start that journey so whilst I can’t claim to be part of the community this book is for officially – I do know that I have struggled with everything they spoke about and that I did find this book helpful.

Buy the book for yourself on Amazon*:

*this is an affiliate link, you won’t pay any extra but it might just help me fulfil my dream of being a paid writer.