I have never been a good sleeper (just ask my poor mother) but as an adult this descended into full blown bouts of insomnia and really just generally a terrible time sleeping.
Plus, as a natural night owl, life post-university (where my schedule did not matter as much) was really hard, because I’m just not meant for the sleep pattern needed around a 9-5.
Three years ago I decided I’d had enough, did a bunch of googling, bought a sleep tracking app and took advantage of the pandemic to totally reset the cycle I’d been trapped in.
Here’s some advice which I believe to be realistic tips for other people like me.*
*DISCLAIMER*
I am not a medical or mental health professional, please seek help from official resources if you are truly struggling. This is advice based purely on my personal experience and independent research.
1. Recognise when it’s insomnia and when it is a choice – take accountability
Like I said, I’m a night owl and around full time work, I really hate how little ‘free time’ there is. Especially when I was trapped in toxic job.
Staying up late was sometimes a choice.
I would be tired but resist going to bed because more time awake = more free time and means tomorrow isn’t just about to happen (flawed logic I know).
This is actually known as bedtime procrastination, which is a real thing, real adults do!
So on the occasions I am still awake after midnight, checking the clock and thinking ‘oh no, only X hours of sleep now’ but still not settling down to sleep, it’s time to have a stern chat with myself like a toddler.
Or, as my very astute PT once said to me after I said ‘I just get so much done after 11, I have conquer the world energy,’ and he replied ‘but do you actually get anything done?’.
Doesn’t sound that revolutionary but yes, I was not getting anything of value done. It took him bluntly pointing it out for me to realise.
If I am lying in bed, in “ready for sleep” mode and then I find myself staring at the back of eyelids not sleeping. Then. And only then. Can I call it insomnia. Not, when I have my phone three inches from my face while I doom scroll in the dark.
Sadly, I must conform to the 9-5 schedule for now, so I gotta choose to go to bed, even with it doesn’t feel natural.
2. Take steps to find the root cause behind your sleep loss and address them
Mental health and sleep issues are a bit chicken and egg but regardless of whether your lost sleep is causing anxiety, or whether anxiety causes sleep loss – you have to take steps to address those symptoms.
Stress, is a huge contributor for me, in fact, not sleeping well is usually my first clue that not all is right with me.
Try mental health apps to help, try herbal tablets, or, don’t be afraid to go to your doctor.
3. Optimise your sleeping situation
I got a new mattress, I got memory foam pillows, I got a body pillow, I even tried (and loved!) a weighted blanket. I don’t like the dark but low light is very conducive to good sleep, so I hunted around for a nightlight that didn’t disrupt my sleep and then I gradually worked on phasing that out.
Now I realise that this solution relied on the fact I was privileged to be able to spend that money. But memory foam bed toppers can be as little as £20 (in the U.K!), in the instance that you can’t replace your mattress, and there are plenty of cheap ways to make your bed more comfortable. It’s worth a try anyhow.
4. Embrace the bullshit solutions
I have tried scented oils, diffusers and pillow sprays.
I bought a sunrise clock, which is hideously effective in waking me up (even though it’s loud and bright and it angers me daily) but this did help me go from 12 alarms to 2, so my last hour of sleep was a lot more restful.
I drank the ‘sleepy tea’ (not a euphemism, Twining’s genuinely sell a tea called ‘sleepy tea’).
I did ‘sleep meditations’ and breathing exercises.
However ‘woo woo’ and bullshitty it seemed. I tried it.
It all helped, whether placebo or not, it helped a little and this is about lots of little steps leading to generally more rest.
5. Work to your clock
8 hours sleep just isn’t it for me. I get batshit crazy dreams. So, I spent some time working out what the minimum sleep I can be functional on, my ideal amount of sleep to feel generally fresh and then my rest-rest amount.
So, now I have a window within which I aim to sleep. There is no pressure. As long as I try to settle down to sleep somewhere within this window, I know I’m good. No clock watching. No obsessive count down.
6. A bad night is a bad night. Leave it behind once you get up.
It is so easy to fall into the trap of ‘I slept terribly last night so I HAVE to sleep well tonight’ blah blah blah.
Clock watching does not help.
Follow your normal sleep routine and adopt an ‘it is what it is’ approach. You will either fall asleep, or you won’t. If so, you will just try again tomorrow.
7. Habits that improve your chances of getting to sleep:
- No food for three hours before the start of your sleep window
- No screens for a minimum of 40 mins before you settle down to sleep. Yes. Even with the blue light filters.
- Colder rooms are better for helping you fall asleep quickly and with more depth.
- No naps after 6 *
- No caffeine after 4 *
I will caveat both of those by saying, if you need to do them in order to be safe to drive, or be a caregiver of some sort etc, please, do so if necessary.
8. Have a bed time routine like a giant adult toddler
The human body responds to routine and habits. Do the same pattern of things every night i.e I fill up my water bottle, I go for a shower, I clean my teeth, I read for a bit, then I go pee, set alarms, turn off lights, turn on my audio book and settle to sleep.
Honestly, I know that sounds exhausting. I hate having to think about something no other adults have to. But, consciously winding down for bed and putting myself to bed like an overgrown toddler was the best thing I did for my sleep.
Routine will mean your ‘melatonin window’, the window in which your body floods you with the most of the sleep hormone, will sync up with the time you tend to settle down. Your bodies’ circadian rhythm will adjust if it knows what to expect.
Routine is your friend. This is another place where ‘making a choice’ comes into play. This is a conscious effort. You must consciously follow a routine until it becomes ingrained and hopefully automatic.
9. Exercise and diet can play a part
Now, if your insomnia is tied up in mental health or a neurodivergency, I recognise this may feel like an insurmountable step.
So, start with baby steps instead, there are ‘chair aerobics’, you can have step goal within the confines of your home, you can buy pouches of toddler squeezey food with fruit and veg in.
Small changes will help I promise.
For me, there’s a direct correlation between not exercising and not sleeping. Problem is, if I’m fucking knackered I don’t want to exercise but sometimes it’s about pushing through (if you are capable, there’s no shame in this house if you can’t, but you gotta at least try).
10. Bed is for sleeping and nothing else
Obviously, I am not referring to what adults do with other consenting adults.
Here I mean that you do not work in your bed, you don’t watch T’V in your bed, you don’t play video games in your bed. None of it.
Bed is for sleeping only. This is about creating an association with your stupid lizard brain that ‘we are in the sleep place, this is place is for sleeping, I will sleep now’.
Obviously, I know in small apartments or shared living where your bedroom is your living room, this one is hard but where possible, it’ll make a difference.
11. Lying still with your eyes closed is better than nothing.
It’s been scientifically proven, even if you aren’t able to sleep, lying still with your eyes closed still has more restful benefits than not trying at all.
12. Perform ‘sleep resets’
If you find yourself waking up and not being able to fall back asleep. Get out of the bed. Try something a simple as going for a wee and then resettling. If it’s really bad, get out of the bed and do something for a short time (nothing too stimulating, just something not bed time related). Find what works for you, I know someone who’ll get up, clean their bathroom and then go back to bed (because this calms them down but this wouldn’t work for me). Sometimes I’ll get up, go to the bathroom, then lie back down in bed and read for a while.
Sleep resets are about what works for you as an individual but they are better than tossing and turning, or clock watching, or getting frustrated.
13. If you’ve tried everything and still doesn’t work – reach out to a doctor etc
If you are genuinely practicing best habits and still not sleeping, don’t be afraid to reach out. There are sleeping pills, sleep clinics and so on.
Life without sleep can be miserable and there’s genuinely no reason to suffer. Seek help.
Those are my big ones. I know they seem like a lot. Break it down, address them one step at a time. Small changes lead to big things.
I hope you profit from my research and trial and error.
Finally, I must reiterate the point about choice and accountability, if there are things you can do to help yourself and you are actively not doing them, it is a choice. I know it’s fucking hard, believe me I know. Just try a little.
Sometimes I have felt like a failed adult because I cannot naturally do this things everyone else does without thinking but I have had to let that go. I sleep well, most of the time now, but I gotta use my arm floaties to help me swim the pool, meaning, I’ve embraced the tools at my disposal and slowly, over time, I didn’t need to put in as much thought and effort to help me sleep.
Back to your regularly scheduled bookish nonsense next week!
Antonia Bernardin 
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