A little while ago I had one of those deep nights with a friend, where you stay up super late drinking slowly and talking about everything under the sun. I won’t get into the ins and outs of the conversations because that’s a little more of my life than I like to put out there in the internet lands but in a rant about things I utterred the phrase
I am worth more than this
My friends’ only response to this was “finally, do you know how long I’ve waited for you to say something like that?”. I am not un-confident person but nor I am a great believer or champion of myself. I consider myself thoroughly mediocre and I am 100% okay with that. I don’t believe in the idiom of ‘you are beautiful’ no matter what people or society say because you know what… sometimes these descriptive words are just that, they are descriptions. Like when I say I am little chubby and not the prettiest girl out there, it’s just… true and there is nothing wrong with that. I don’t believe in falsely going around telling people that ‘I believe in myself’ to be the most beautiful, the most talented, the most successful; I don’t think this needs to be the sum total of who you are, maybe everyone isn’t beautiful in ‘there own way’ and that’s okay! You’re stil important, you still matter.
In saying ‘I am worth more’ I realised that this was a statement I could get behind. It is acknowledging my worth without glossing over the truth of the matter and it works for everything.
Let me give you some varied examples (none of which necessarily pertain to me):
I am worth more than how I am treating myself due my current mental health
I am worth more than this job that treats me terribly
I am worth more than the way my partner is speaking to me
I am worth more than what I am feeding my body right now, I could be treating myself better
I am worth more than the way I think about my looks – (do you see? I am not saying that you’re beautiful regardless of any percieved flaws, I’m saying you deserve better than the way you’re thinking about them or yourself. You owe yourself more than that).
I am worth more than the way my parents make me feel
I have no faith in myself as a writer/singer/musician/doctor/engineer etc, I am worth more than that
I recieved a very bad grade in school but I am worth more than that
I am by no means an expert in self esteem and in no position to preach but this phrase felt like a revelation to my friend and I, boldly stating what we are worth, knowing that I am worth more, felt pretty bad ass to me and I wanted to share. Maybe I am simply restating the thing I was trying to decry as useless in my own way but oh well!