As I’ve said in previous posts, I take two busses to and from work, which mean every day I take four busses in total.

And

we need to discuss some ground rules on how not to be an arsehole commuter.

Like let’s just put to one side the nutters who chat to themselves or worse (and cannot stress how much this upsets me) talk to you. Now, this is a big thing to put to one side because I’ve got some cracking ones on my routes, most of whom dont seem to have any one in their lives to inform them that they need to shower… which is sad on the face of it but, you know, sympathy runs dry before I’ve had coffee.

Then there’s the people with kids, I mean, parents you have my utmost sympathy because it’s early for you too and you have to live with these tiny monsters. But do all three of the kids need to have a turn at dinging the bell? And why won’t you come sit wth them at the back, so instead I have sit underneath your yelled commands to the back of the bus?* Or why don’t you get them head phones, I don’t have kiddos, so I don’t need to be listening to In the Night Garden at full volume! It would be fine if the screens always made them quiet but it’s not working, they still want to get up and shuffle around, ding the bell and you’re still yelling at them from the front! Also, I know you don’t want them standing up while the bus is moving but for the love of God, do your best to get your stuff together and prep them, don’t go stomping off down the bus while their diddy little legs are still climbing down the steps!

Honestly, deepest respect for anybody keeping tiny humans alive but y’all are causing me stress before any coffee has entered my system.

*(exception to this point is parents with buggies, of course)

Now, let’s move on to teenagers, the itty bitty gen Z clan.
One: turn the music in your headphones down because it’s going to deafen you and hearing tinny distant versions of your music is just no fun.

Two: It’s not that funny, nothing is ever that funny, I do not need that much joyful exuberance first thing or last thing in my day. I am a millenial (a.k.a. A sad adult) on my way to start my tedious adult day.

Three: If you’re going to talk about the various school dramas and the ‘he said, she said’ of it all, please tell some back story so I can follow and enjoy the tea too.

Now for the golden oldies, who all get on at the same time every day, see their peeps and then, rather than sitting next to your pal, you sit three rows away from them and then precede to have a conversation neither of you can hear properly over those three rows. You know Margaret’s going to be on this bus- she’s on it everyday, doing her a little trip to ASDA and then the library, she does it every day, SO WHY DONT YOU SIT NEXT TO ONE ANOTHER?! Also, unless you’re still a little speedy on your toes, don’t head for the back of the bus when the front is empty, neither of us needs that tension and suspense in our lives (because Arriva bus drivers wait for no one, believe me).

As for the rest of you, here’s how not to be an arsehole:

  • have your money or ticket ready- it’s not a shock to you that the bus is here, you stuck your arm out to flag it down, you knew this was coming, so why isn’t your money ready?
  • Don’t be classless and put your bags on the seat by the window so you’re sat in the aisle seat, no British person is brave enough to ask you to move and you know it.
  • Deordant. Say it with me again: DEODORANT
  • Mints- see above.
  • Don’t accost the nutters when they’re doing something nutty, put your head down, avoid eye contact and leave them too it. No one needs that stress.
  • no music or videos out loud, head phones are so cheap now, there is no excuse.
  • don’t face time someone so that I can see my double chin in your phone when I’m siting behind you, plus, I don’t need to be accidentally making eye contact with the person your phoning, it’s awkward (no joke, this does happen)
  • SAY THANK YOU TO THE DRIVER, ITS NOT THEIR FAULT THE BUSSES SUCK SO MUCH.

 

Whew, that was cathartic. In other news, I’m going to start driving lessons soon.